Disorganized, disobedient monkeys jumping in all directions.  That’s how my mind feels at times.  Stream of consciousness followed by random observations leading to even more loosely connected thoughts.  Some big and scary.  Most innocuous and of seemingly little consequence.   Which clothes to wear this morning.   What to eat for lunch today.  What’s the plan this afternoon?  Can we fit in a workout?  And is it cardio today or strength training? We retreat into minutia. 

Then at night, when I wake up sometimes, at 2 am, the large questions loom.  What happens to the love I carry?  Does the soul survive the physical extinction?  Does time cease to exist?  Will I float peacefully into eternity?  

Yesterday we toured the Imperial Palace grounds here in Hue and learned all about the 13 Ngyuen emperors who ruled Vietnam from 1802 until 1945.  Emperor No 1 Nguyễn Phúc Ánh who unified the kingdom in 1802.  Emperor Nguyễn Phúc Nguyên who was a gambler and scoundrel.  Emperor Nguyễn Phúc Hồng Nhậm who only ruled for 3 days before being deposed and then died under mysterious circumstances in prison.  And the last emperor Nguyễn Phúc Vĩnh Thụ who abdicated the throne and gave power to Ho Chi Minh and the communists in 1945.  For three hours, we glimpsed a tiny fraction of their lives in the shallowest of terms, understanding little of who they were, what they thought, how the perceived life, happiness, love.   Is that how it is?   Do we simply float away into the history of humankind, eventually forgotten by most, unless we were an emperor somewhere in the world and they might keep a chair or crown that belonged to us?

Maybe that’s ok.  But I think otherwise.  We may arrive into this world, live, love, fade and disappear.   But I think I can still leave a little love behind, a little light and happiness.  Instead of a chair.  

But first, I want to live some more.  And love as long and as much as possible.  And decide what to have for lunch of course.