Often quoted in the coaching world, this piece of wisdom can help us become better colleagues, bosses, parents, mentors, and supporters of others in any capacity. 

Picture this: A colleague approaches their boss with a problem. The boss, eager to help, immediately focuses on solving the issue. They might even congratulate themselves internally: “I’m really good at this stuff.” Similarly, when a daughter shares her teenage struggles with her mother, the mom quickly jumps to offering solutions, thinking proudly, “I wish I had a mom like me when I was her age.” 

Yet despite good intentions, both the colleague and daughter walk away feeling somewhat defeated. It’s not that they don’t appreciate the care shown or doubt the quality of the solutions offered. Rather, they miss something more fundamental: the opportunity to grow into solution-finders themselves. 

In my years of experience, I’ve yet to meet someone who doesn’t harbor a deep desire to learn and grow into a more capable person. This drive is hardwired into our nature—I believe it’s evolutionary. Throughout history, those who learned and adapted succeeded. Therefore, when we focus on growing the person rather than just solving their problem, we honor their innate needs and provide more meaningful support. 

Looking back at my leadership career, my biggest regret is not fully recognizing this truth earlier. I was too quick to be the “advice giver” rather than the growth facilitator. 

What might a more effective approach look like? Here’s an example: 

 Staff: “I have this issue, boss.” 

 Boss: “What solutions have you considered so far?” 

 Staff: “Well, I thought about Option A. The advantage would be X, but the downside is Y. I also considered Option B, which offers P but might result in Q.” 

 Boss: “Interesting thinking. Are there any other approaches you haven’t explored yet that might be viable?” 

 Staff: “Actually, yes. What about Option C? It could provide these benefits, though it does come with these challenges…” 

 Boss: “After weighing all these options, which path are you leaning toward?” 

 Staff: “I think Option B makes the most sense because…” 

 Boss: “What consequences do you anticipate from this decision?” 

 Staff: “The main impacts would be…” 

 Boss: “And how do you feel about this direction?” 

 Staff: “I feel confident about it. I’ve considered the angles and understand the trade-offs.” 

 Boss: “Excellent work thinking this through so thoroughly.” 

 This approach transforms a simple problem-solving interaction into a growth opportunity. The employee not only addresses their immediate challenge but also strengthens their decision-making muscles for future situations. They leave the conversation feeling empowered rather than instructed, capable rather than dependent. 

Let’s recognize that next time when someone comes to you with a problem, they’re offering you more than just a chance to showcase your problem-solving prowess—they’re presenting an opportunity to help them grow into a more capable problem-solver themselves.