We meet someone new and instinctively ask, “What do you do for a living?” Yet imagine if instead, we asked, “What do you believe in?” or “What fills your life with meaning?” or simply, “Who are you?” These questions, though rarely asked, hold the power to reveal the remarkable story of the person standing before us. 

Two decades ago, I witnessed a moment that stayed with me. During a marketing job interview, my unconventional boss suddenly asked the candidate, “Who are you?” The question hung in the air, unexpected and raw. The candidate’s response – tears – revealed just how deeply such a simple question could touch the core of our being. It showed how even in professional settings, we are fundamentally human, carrying our hopes, doubts, and dreams. 

Perhaps this explains our retreat to safer questions. We hesitate to ask the deeper ones, even of those closest to us, fearing the vulnerability they might unleash. And so we return to the familiar harbor: “What do you do for a living?” 

While knowing someone’s profession has its place – helping us understand how we might collaborate or assist each other – it often keeps us skating on the surface when we could be diving deeper. During my years of interviewing, I found magic in asking, “What drives you in life?” This question opens a door, inviting people to share their true passions and purposes. Even for those who haven’t yet explored this question, it plants a seed that might grow into something profound. 

Recently, a dear friend who had devoted herself to her career – earning high praise, particularly in Korea where professional dedication is revered – found herself at an unexpected crossroads when her work abruptly ended. Combined with other life events and hard-won wisdom, she now faces that eternal question: What next? 

In a society that often measures life by professional achievements, how do we create our own authentic space while finding peace within it? As social creatures, this challenge runs deep. But here’s what I’ve learned: we only receive messages from lists we choose to subscribe to. The real power lies in carefully choosing which societal messages we accept and having the courage to unsubscribe from those that don’t serve our growth. 

This isn’t easy at all, I know! My grey hair in Korea, where even those in their eighties color their head black, marks me as different. Yes, sometimes I feel self-conscious and question my choice. But I’ve come to understand that aging isn’t a flaw to conceal but a story to embrace. I wear my silver hair as a testament to my journey, letting others respond as they will. Their thoughts matter far less than the truth I hold about myself. 

The secret, I believe, lies in reversing the traditional order: first, uncover what gives your life meaning, then find work, play and contribution that amplifies that purpose. 

As for my friend at her crossroads? Whether or not she returns to the conventional working world matters little. What I know with certainty is this: when we align our choices with our deepest values, a meaningful life isn’t just possible – it’s inevitable. 

We are all, after all, more than what we do. We are what we believe in, what we stand for, and most importantly, who we choose to become.